Learn to sit

Tonight I went to a yoga class for the first time in almost 2 months. I have been so busy with school, my house, and scouts that I haven't carved out time for self-care, and it's starting to show.

It was a deep stretch where we settled into poses and held them for 3-4 minutes, which can seem like 3-4 hours when your body is contorted into unnatural positions. To be honest I'm not a huge fan of this particular yoga studio, but it's close to my house and has $10 community classes on Sundays. It's been very crowded both times I've been, with 35+ people squeezed in like sardines and most of them were very noisy/chatty prior to the class beginning. Factor that into my physically out-of-practice self; it makes for a place that I was not able to fully relax and focus.

As we were settled into one of our poses, the instructor reminded us that we need to work through our distraction and fidgety natures and learn to sit with what is uncomfortable.

I reflected on several people I know who are sitting with what is uncomfortable this week. A friend whose parents are downsizing the family home to move into a retirement village. Another friend grappling with broken relationships with teenage children. Dear young friends of mine who gave birth to their first child who died an hour later. This is heavy stuff. My woes of a strenuous workload and time-sensitive house projects pale in comparison.

Yet, it is all discomfort to varying degrees. We cannot escape it. We can attempt to dull the pain chemically, we can seek comfort in religion, and we can reach out to friends and therapists. But ultimately, we have to sit with it and be still until the pain passes. Because this, too, will pass.

if it's meant to be, part 3

The Trading Post. I was assigned to work in the Trading Post.

Perks: unfettered access to popcorn, slushies, cookies & soda. Moderate air conditioning in some places. Private bathroom. Occasional trips to town to pick up merchandise.

Disadvantages: Neurotically counting money and inventory on a daily basis. Not a program area.


I never would have chosen to work at the Trading Post (despite the excellent perks), but I had the best summer. My initial contract was for 3 weeks, but I ended up coming back for another week at the end of the summer because I was having so much fun (and apparently I had convinced the director that I was doing useful things).

Camp is my happy place. It is the place that I feel most like myself. If I could live at camp all year long, I would. And the people that work at camp are my kind of people. I freaking love camp.

The Trading Post director quickly became the best friend I never knew I was missing in my life. Midway through our first week of working together, he pointed out that I wasn't supposed to be there. If things had gone the way I thought they would, I would have been at Philmont and would have been at camp for only an hour or two to drop off and pick up my son.

What is meant to be, anyway? Was I actually supposed to go to Philmont? Or was I supposed to work at camp, all along?  Would I have had an amazing time at Philmont, or would I have been miserable? Would I have been assigned to work at the Trading Post if I had been hired back in December?

I have no doubt that I was meant to be at camp this summer. I don't know if I will make it to Philmont in the future, or if I will work at camp again. But my heart is overwhelmed with gratitude for the serendipity that landed me exactly where I needed to be for the summer of 2018.