come on baby, finish what you started

So during my Mardi Gras road trip, I intended to finish a scarf that I had started last fall. I grabbed the project bag with all the yarns, needles, and scarf-in-progress and knew that I could get it done in the car, and I probably could have... if I had the pattern instructions.

It's a chevron pattern that is easily memorized, but not so easily discerned by looking at it, due to increases and decreases.

I remembered that the original pattern featured red & blue yarns, so I went to ravelry and filtered scarf patterns by craft (knitting), yarn (worsted), and availability (free). This took me to just under 2000 patterns which I started to scan for red & blue colors. All to no avail. So now what? How do I finish a scarf without a pattern? I have cut and pieced several yarns, so I can't very well undo it.

When I got home from my trip, I tracked down the pattern on my computer and saved the instructions. Still, it's mentally hard to knit a scarf in the springtime so I've set this one aside, again.

Here is the pattern link, in case I need it next fall ;-)

fraternities I have joined (the past 2 weekends)

Two weekends ago, I walked into the first 3 days of a 6-day leadership training seminar. I knew absolutely no one, and within the first 2 hours I was feeling overwhelmed and like I had joined a cult.

• there was a strict dress code, which varied based on where you were and what the leader was wearing
• there was frequent singing
• there were lots of little rules- where you could sit, when you could sit down, in what order you lined up
• there was little free time

Sounds like a nightmare, right?

I'll admit, by lunchtime on the first day I was seriously wondering what I had gotten myself into.

But, as is the case with fraternities, strangers quickly became friends and by the end of the weekend it felt like the real world no longer existed. It was exhausting, but I felt supported and the expectations were clearly laid out.

This was Wood Badge, the premier adult leader training session for the Boy Scouts of America, and I can't wait for next month when we complete the second half of the course.

3 days later, a 5 hour trip with my husband turned into 7 because of traffic, and when we arrived at the hotel there was a problem with our reservation and we had no room for the night on a weekend that every hotel in and around the city was booked.

We went to New Orleans for Mardi Gras, y'all.

When you live in Louisiana (even if it is the exact opposite corner of the state), you might as well do it right! I'm into taking advantage of every opportunity while we are stationed here, and through his work, hubs managed to get invited to one of the major Mardi Gras balls in New Orleans.

I found myself a formal-length gown for Sunday night, but for the rest of the weekend I had no idea what to expect. The word most frequently used by friends to describe New Orleans is "dirty" and I was expecting to be immersed in a lecherous, filthy and not-entirely-safe pit of debauchery, I had no plans to like New Orleans. I just wanted to make it through the weekend.

We managed to get a room at a different hotel on Friday night and were blessed to be traveling with one of Matt's co-workers who used to work in the city, so we at least had half a clue about things like where to park.

Once again, there was a dress code for the weekend that varied based on where you were. In the streets, everyone was wearing purple, green and gold as much as possible. Funny hats, beads, masks, tutus, and full-on costumes were the norm. 

We did a LOT of walking, collected a lot of beads, and ate some really amazing food. The city is beautiful; there is a lot of great architecture and no shortage of unique shops to pop into. Yes, Bourbon Street was pretty gross, even before 10 am, but there was nothing obscene and I did not feel unsafe at all while I was in the city.

Mardi Gras really is a thing unto itself, aside from anything else going on in the city. There is a parade route where people literally camp out all day to watch the various Krewes roll by. We accidentally strolled onto a corner of the route and found an immediate sense of community. There were people of all ages, locals & out-of-towners. Everyone was very generous, sharing chairs, offering beers, and distributing the immense quantity of beads that were thrown.

I didn't love New Orleans the ways some people seem to. I'm glad I went, but I don't feel compelled to go back. But Mardi Gras... THAT was fun! I can see why people come back every year to celebrate. While it is a hassle to navigate the city with so many roads blocked off for parades, and parking was ridiculously expensive, I wouldn't hesitate to go back for Mardi Gras weekend, especially now that I know to bring a cooler, chair, sunscreen, and bags to collect beads.

As for the ball itself, let's just say it's not anything that Cinderella would recognize as a ball. This is how I summarized it:

Imagine you're at a rave, but everyone is wearing tuxedos and ball gowns and pulling coolers full of alcohol. And the Main Street Electrical Parade rolls through an indoor venue, with each float throwing the entire contents of Oriental Trading Company at you. And most everyone is drunk.

That's a Mardi Gras ball.  

finally finished, part 1

I am gong to celebrate my finished projects; the works-in-progress that I deliberately complete before moving on to new things (mostly).

See, I have actually started and finished 3 little cross stitch projects in the past week, including this one.

But let's refer back to my first two official finish-it-up projects that I blogged about here:

I finished these mittens!

The pattern is "Midge" by Berroco, worked with Patons's Kroy Socks Jaquard in Denim.

I finished this cross stitch... mostly. I'm still leaning toward using it as part of a pillow cover, but we'll see. At least the cross stitch part is completed.

I wish I could give better credit for the pattern but I can't find it anywhere on the internet. It's called Phoenix Rising by R. Lawler, and like I said, I modified the thread colors to better represent my alma mater.

birdhouse in your soul

You might be 2 days into a head and chest cold that leaves you coughing every few minutes.

The weather might be inexplicably warm for a February morning. So warm that you open doors and windows to enjoy the sunshine, breeze, and windchimes.

Your best friend from high school might be celebrating a milestone birthday this weekend. 

You might be undecided about making the 9 hour drive, each way, to her house to celebrate, especially given how you're feeling right now.

But you might also be compelled to begin a birthday present for her, regardless.

Regardless of sickness, distance, or other works in progress (they're both almost done, anyway.)

You might choose happy colors based on an equally happy song, and immediately get to work.    

Time is of the essence.

Make a little birdhouse in your soul.

Non-fiber crafts

I know, I know... it's been weeks since I've posted craft pictures. I'm making slow progress on the mittens & cross stitch, but the end is in sight for both! Pictures very soon!

Yesterday I decided to venture into my crap craft hole and "clean up." I have heard rumors that my husband is talking about other uses for the third of the den that my disorganized chaos is currently occupying, so I'm trying to get ahead of the game and make my space seem organized and presentable.

Here are three projects that I knocked out:

• Map Letters

I bought these wooden letters for a Cub Scout game 3 or 4 years ago, and have held on to them because I was going to do "something" with them. As I was unpacking this past summer, I found a map of North & South Carolina from back in the days when maps were a thing you needed to keep in your car (our kids will never know... sigh...), so suffice it to say it was pretty outdated. Some Modpodge and strategic positioning let me place some of my favorite locations on each letter.

Shout out to when "Elon College" was a place!

With my leftover map, I covered a small Pringles can which I have been using as a pencil holder. The strip of map I had left over from the letters was not quite wide enough to cover the whole can, but a border of washi tape that was gifted to me this Christmas completed the project nicely.

• Modpodge all the Pringles cans!

My youngest has a thing for Pringles, and I have a thing for wanting to organize my knitting needle collection, so I asked him to give me his used cans. While I was organizing yesterday, I found some pictures that I scavenged from my eldest's Star Wars photo-a-day 2016 calendar which he packed up last February before our first move, and found mid-January 2017. I didn't have any specific reason for saving them, I just liked them and knew I'd find a use for them.

A little strategic placement found that 6 pictures would fit nicely on a tall Pringles can with the empty space filled nicely by washi tape (yes, this is a new addiction forming...) But I only had Christmas washi tape, and I really wanted black. My options consisted of: 

1. going to a craft store the next day to select ONE roll of washi tape, purchase it, and leave. [cons: must wait 12+ hours, and must only buy one thing at craft store]
2. order one roll of washi tape on Amazon. [cons: more expensive, longer wait, and less selection, but also zero temptation to buy more crafts]
3. use candy cane stripe washi tape from my stash. 

I think my deliberate choice is obvious. I had to double-layer the tape and you can still see some Pringles graphics through it, but I think it turned out pretty okay and also pretty free which is pretty awesome.

(my artsy attempt at a panorama photo of a cylinder)

• Dreamcatcher

Middle son has recently had a thing for tribal prints, and in my late-fall blogging absence I made a valence and a pillowcase for his room using fabrics he selected. On the same shopping trip, we bought supplies for him to make a dreamcatcher. Guess what? He didn't make it. The bag o' supplies ended up in my craft zone and I uncovered it yesterday so *I* made it!

It still needs some dangly things at the bottom, but the hard part is done. 

The life cycle of a dream

One of my only regrets thus far in my life is not going to graduate school.

When I was 23 years old, I was accepted to a full-time Masters in School Counseling program at Wake Forest University (go Deacs!) It was a two year program, and it was fully covered by scholarship.

Yes, you read that correctly.

I had a free ride for the masters program of my dreams at the school of my dreams.

And a month later, I found out I was pregnant.

It was not planned, nor was it unwelcome, but it did mean that there was no way I could be enrolled in a demanding, non-stop program.

I was blessed to receive a deferral, with admission secured for the following year's cohort. My son would be 8 months old, my husband would be working, and I would be a full-time graduate student. My mom lived nearby at the time and was even available to babysit for free. Things were looking great!

Except they weren't.

My mom was living nearby because she had left her marriage to my father. She was also undergoing treatment for breast cancer. In addition to those stressors AND graduate school, I had to suddenly wean my son to take a strong antibiotic. I didn't realize until several years later what a profound hormonal effect this had on me, but it really sent me into a tailspin. A month into my program, I started having debilitating panic attacks and suffering from major depression.

Ironically, I had to drop out of counseling school because I needed counseling, myself.

-----

Almost seventeen years later, I have never lost sight of the idea of trying to earn my graduate degree. But where, in what subject, and more importantly, why?

Periodically I will look into programs at nearby schools, or programs with significant scholarships (student loans are NOT an option for me right now), or programs that I could complete entirely online.

I have looked at counseling programs, education programs, generic fine arts programs where you don't specialize in anything in particular, adventure therapy programs, and even theater for costume construction,

But here's the thing: I don't know what I would do with a master's degree, even if I had one.

Many jobs I have wanted to apply for at Elon require a graduate degree, and that was holding me back.

I don't want a job, though. Or if I do, I don't know what it is or how to go about getting it.

I know that I don't want to be a full-time classroom teacher in a traditional public school. I can't deal with all of the administrative bureaucracy, but I love teaching. Substitute teaching has been a great fit for me in many ways, but I am not always well-utilized and it's often more babysitting than it is teaching.

I am too old to be earning my degree in college student affairs, but I absolutely love the work that is done within student life programs at universities like Elon.

I could spend two years earning that much-coveted school counseling degree, but would I want to use it? I'm not sure that I could operate much better in a guidance counselor position than I could in a classroom.

I'm 41 years old. I have 2 sons who will be heading to college within the next two years, and a third not far behind. They, along with my husband and aging dog, need me to be available for them. I am living in a state that I do not intend to stay in for a minute longer than I have to, so I don't want to commit to an on-campus program that will tie me to a specific location. I have no disposable income and will not go into debt for a degree that I cannot prove that I will use.

I'm stuck holding on to a dream, and I'm not sure if it's time to let that dream die or if I'm just in a long dormant phase. I need to not look at what my Facebook friends are doing and achieving. I need to focus on what I want and need.

I just don't know what that is.

Accidentally deliberate

I'm on Facebook way too much. In addition to keeping up with friends, I also use it to follow a few organizations, blogs, and businesses. I remember seeing something about a challenge involving giving up sugar for 21 days, and thought that it sounded like a neat idea but one that would be more complicated than I wanted to involve myself in. I must have seen a second post reminding followers that the challenge was beginning on Monday, January 9.

I don't drink much soda. I stopped putting sugar in my coffee several months ago, but have recently been treating myself to some white chocolate raspberry creamer (ohmygosh, it is SOOOOO good!) My guilty beverage of choice is "sweet" tea, but if I have the opportunity I always get it mixed half sweet, half unsweet. My real struggle is candy and baked goods. I have no qualms treating myself to a handful of peanut m&m's when I walk by an open bag. If I make a dessert and my family isn't eating it fast enough, I'll eat more than my share to make sure food isn't wasted. I'm just helpful like that. Of course, the holidays bring more candy and more baked goods, so trying to live without them for a few weeks would definitely do me good (and might even help me shed that elusive 10 pounds that accumulated since my metabolism crashed at age 35...) Still, I had no intention in taking part in the challenge.

Until I woke up on Monday morning, January 9.

I didn't have a job that day, so after taking my kids to school I decided to cook an egg for breakfast, and eat it on some toast with leftover bacon. I was so proud of myself! Yes, the bacon had a little bit of sugar in it and so did the bread, but otherwise it was a sugar-free breakfast, supplemented by coffee with half & half. As the day wore on, I continued to seek out foods without sugar from my pantry and refrigerator but found my supply very much lacking, I had no intention of doing the challenge for 21 days, but I figured I could probably hang with it for a few days so I bought some Triscuits, rice cakes, tortilla chips & salsa.

I started researching food options, searching for lists of prepared items that don't have sugar added. It was hard, but not as hard as I expected, nor as expensive. I discovered Larabars- who knew dates were magically sweet and can morph into any flavor??? I read a lot of labels. I invested in fresh fruits and vegetables. The Greek salad dressing in my fridge didn't contain sugar, and neither do flour tortillas, potato chips, or Tyson's chicken tenders. Garlic salt, instant mashed potatoes, and flavored yogurt do. And plain Greek yogurt is disgusting, even if you mix frozen berries into it.

It's actually been a very liberating experience; the ONLY thing required is giving up sugar, and you get to decide how strict you want to be about that (some people are using honey or Stevia). No exercising, no food tracking, no specialty shakes. Just avoid sugar and artificial sweeteners.

The first Friday rolled around and despite a few moments of temptation, I was going strong... when I left for a weekend of camping with my Boy Scout troop. This was my first time camping with them, and I didn't want the other leader guys to make fun of me for being on a "diet." But I did it, unobtrusively not eating any of the few things containing sugar!

A real crisis occurred this Wednesday morning when my half & half curdled in my coffee and I had to pour a new cup... and use the yummy creamer. I ate Domino's pizza, which I'm sure has some sugar in the crust and sauce. But I'm still eating a lot more fruits & vegetables and being deliberate about having them available and ready to eat. I even had a dream the other night that I drank part of a Coke, and I felt very guilty in my dream because I slipped up in my challenge!

I'm not sure if I will make it the entire 21 days; my cousin is getting married next weekend and there is going to be lots of good food. Still, I'm going to try my best. I'm not sure what will happen on day 22, if I'll allow myself some sugar or if I'll join in on the next "get healthy" challenge (I imagine there will be more). For now, I am grateful that I stumbled across this challenge, and I'm proud of myself for the discipline I've shown over the past 2 weeks.