if it's meant to be, part 2

My family's summer 2018 calendar was a sight to behold.

On June 7, I loaded all 3 boys and their assorted gear for summer activities into my not-nearly-as-large-as-my-minivan Mazda Tribute and started our drive eastward. The original plan looked something like this:

June 7 drive to dad's house in SC
June 8 drive to brother's house in NC
June 10 drop #2 at summer camp in NC for staff week
June 11 drive #1 & #3 to WV for a different Boy Scout camping opportunity.
June 12 leave car at summer camp in NC & fly back to Shreveport to leave for Philmont on June 15

For the sake of everyone's sanity, I'm not going to throw in anything beyond that.

So when I drove to NC on June 7, I took with me a very small suitcase full of mostly nicer, wear-in-public kind of clothes. You know, because I was flying home 5 days later.

Except I didn't.


The cancellation of my Philmont trip left a huge hole not just in my heart, but also in my summer schedule. It would have me flying home to sit in an empty house all day for over three weeks with nothing to do. I contemplated several ideas: hike part of the Appalachian Trail, since I was already prepared for backpacking? Drive to New Mexico anyway, just to visit a new place? Come back home and throw myself into some creative business enterprise?

On the day that I officially learned that Philmont was a no-go, I also received an email newsletter from my BSA council in North Carolina which mentioned that they were still looking for a few staff members for summer camp (the one #2 was working at).

Let's go back to December 2017, shall we? Back to when I received an email from the director of said camp in NC, remembering that I had mentioned the summer before that I might be interested in working there, and would I like to put in my application?  I was honored to be asked, but had to turn him down because of my scheduled trip to Philmont.

With nothing on my calendar and a hesitant "okay" from my husband, I committed to working at camp for 3 weeks in a yet-to-be-determined position. I possess a plethora of skills and qualifications that would make me useful in many departments around camp, so I left it up to the director to place me where I would be most beneficial.

Where I ended up can only be described as serendipity.

(to be continued)

resigned, redux

Two years ago, I wrote a post that solidified my name choice for this blog.

I was full of heartache over loss- the loss of my home, my friends, my job... most of my life.

Two years ago, I wrote that I would move back from Louisiana in two years. #didn'thappen

A year and a half ago, I chose deliberate as my word of the year. Then, as I was working on my 2018 word of the year, I had this realization. Followed by this one.

At the beginning of June, all of my summer plans changed.

At the end of July, I resigned.

This, however, was a happy resignation. It was me following through with confidence on something that I knew I needed to do, but was too afraid of uncertainty to follow through with.

I resigned my teaching position. The one I took on a whim. The one that made me miserable for the better part of last year.

I don't know what I'm going to do now, and that's okay. I believe in myself. I am learning to trust myself again. It's a beautiful and scary process filled with a lot of tears, but I am so relieved to be back on track. I am paving my own happiness.