Word of the year

In my last post, I alluded to (but am not quite ready to blog about) the struggles I have had the past few months because I neglected my word of the year for 2017.

At the beginning of December, about the time I remembered that I was supposed to be being deliberate this year, I also realized that I was going to have a difficult time choosing my word for 2018.

It's been in the back of my mind for the past month. I've written down at least a dozen words that could be contenders, but none of them quite encompass everything that I am feeling.  Last night, I settled on a winner.

• Confidence  

• full trust; belief in the powers, trustworthiness, or reliability of a person or thing.
• belief in oneself and one's powers or abilities; self-confidence; self-reliance; assurance.
• a secret that is confided or imparted trustfully.

I'm about to do some really hard things this year. But I CAN do them. I am able. And I will.

Just what I needed

My winter school break is 2.5 weeks long. Our entire family already went to San Antonio for a few days to visit Matt's family for Christmas, but the boys and my break continues through this entire first week of January. They're content to stay home and play video games. I am not.

I booked a condo in the Ozarks for a few days, and a friend will be joining me tomorrow. My six hour drive landed me here, alone, late this afternoon.

and I. freaking. love. it.

I love being alone.

This is the first time I have been somewhere neutral, alone, since I can't remember when. It may have been more than 20 years ago.

As a college student, I would frequently drive to my family's cabin in the woods for the weekend. The 4 hour drive cleared my head, and the solitude of the weekend restored my soul. I didn't have to go anywhere, do anything, or talk to anyone. No one knew I was there. No one could bother me. I could eat what and when I wanted. I could stay up all night reading if I wanted to.  I could stroll through the woods. If I had been at home, I would have been caught up in the continuation of my regular life. Being alone, somewhere else, is absolutely liberating.

Even staying at a hotel, alone, evokes a different vibe. A hotel room feels confining and ultimately very temporary. A hotel is a quick stop on the way to somewhere else.

But this, this, is just what I needed, and I didn't even know it.


Much of what I am struggling with right now is my definition of happiness, and what I need to be happy. I am simultaneously reading/listening to 3 books that are all themed around love, marriage, and aloneness. This retreat could not have come at a better time as I grapple with these concepts.