How I hang living room curtains

1. See curtains on clearance at Target. Find a matching pair and decide that they're such a good deal that you have to buy them even though you had no intention of hanging curtains in your house right now.
2. Go home and think about the other shade those curtains were available in. Realize the color you bought was not the best color for your living room, which is where you decide that curtains should be hung.
3. Spend all night thinking obsessing about the other color curtains. Try to tell yourself you don't need them while simultaneously praying that they have 2 panels of the same color and they are still in the store tomorrow and if they do then it is meant to be.
4. Go to work. Think about curtains. 
5. Go to Target on your lunch break. It is meant to be! Buy the other color curtains for your living room, and decide to keep the first pair for your dining room.
6. Leave curtains in Target bags in respective rooms for 3 weeks.
7. Start thinking about curtain rods.
8. Go to Bed Bath and Beyond one day and look at curtain rods. Realize you never actually measured the window, but do a good job of estimating the size.
9. Try to remember if the curtains have grommets in them, or if you need to buy clippy rings. Err on the side of buying clippy rings.
10. Think about how large and heavy (velvet) the curtains are and balance your desire for a thick, solid rod with the fact that the skinnier the rod is, the cheaper it is.
11. Look at a lot of options for a good 20 minutes. 
12. After carrying several different rods throughout the curtain department, find one on the back clearance rack that is the right length and a suitable color.
13. Grumble that you have to buy 2 finials and 2 set of clippy rings (buy 3 because heavy velvet) in addition to the rod.
14. See the matching tieback arms. Decide you must have them. And the 2 more matching finials that go on them.
15. Dig through the clearance finials, praying for 4 matching ones that you like will settle for.
16. Victory! Carry purchases to checkout counter. While walking, mentally calculate price and realize that you could use two $5 off $15 coupons but you only have one in your purse.
17. Leave purchases on the counter, go to your van, and dig through every storage drawer/compartment/pocket looking for your stockpile of Bed Bath and Beyond coupons that are always floating around in your van, except when you need them.
18. Decide to cut your losses and settle for only using one coupon when you know you could have saved an additional $5...
19. Use merchandise credit cards (a story for another time) and $5 coupon and end of paying less than $6 for the entire ensemble. Feel pretty smug.
20. Carry your purchases home to living room window. Locate curtains and realize they have grommets. Debate as to whether it is worth it to take back $6 worth of clippy rings.
21. Measure the window and realize that your rod is slightly longer than you would have liked but think about the Pinterest posts showing how to hang curtains higher and wider than you normally would. Remind yourself that there is no next-shortest-length rod on clearance and settle for what you have.
22. Assess the thickness of the rod (5/8") and the diameter of the curtain grommets (1 1/2"). Realize that it will look awkward and you really need a thicker rod.
23. Decide not to think about it for a while.
24. Realize, on this first hot day of the season, how much afternoon sun blazes through your westward-facing living room window. And how hot that sun makes the room. And velvet curtains are thick and will absorb sun and heat.
25. Process the fact that you really should paint the wall before you hang a curtain rod because the current wall color is nearly the same color as the curtains.
26. Think about how much a gallon of paint is going to cost, and the fact that you are currently in the middle of 3 other painting projects.
27. Remember that there is more than 1/2 gallon remaining of the paint used in the upstairs hallway. Paint a sloppy swatch on the living room wall and decide that it is perfect will do.
28. Grab a paintbrush and start cutting in!
29. Set paint brush on the edge of the bucket to help a child find dinner. Return to find paintbrush swimming in the bucket. 
30. Rinse out paintbrush and grab a new one.
31. Keep cutting in on the window wall. Wonder if the paint is too dark. 
32. Pull out the paint pan and roller. Pour paint into tray and pick it up to move it. Except pick it up by the empty end and pour paint all over your hardwood floor.
33. Calmly scream for children to bring you rags! Towels! Paper towels! Buckets of water! (how do you clean copious amounts of paint off a hardwood floor?!??!?!) Trash bags! Grocery store plastic bags!
34. While you are wiping and washing and wiping and washing, console one child who thinks you are mad at him because you are yelling for him to bring you cleaning supplies.
35. Resolve to never be so dumb as to dump paint on the floor again.Comprehend that this is why people cover the floor before they paint.
36. Paint. Smile because it's looking good! Keep going around the corner onto the next wall, pushing furniture and tossing boxes/bags/shoes/clutter into less inconvenient places in the room.
37. Become enormously hungry just as you run out of paint. Resolve to buy more paint tomorrow.
38. Try not to think about curtain rods as you go to sleep.
39. Go to the home improvement store to buy paint. Thank the home improvement gods that you were using one of the less expensive formulations of paint.
40. Browse the curtain rod selection while paint is being mixed. Find a thick rod, of the right length, with finials you can deal with, on clearance. 
41. Wish there was another rod at the same price for the dining room curtains. Look for the next cheapest clearance rod. Settle for it, even though you don't really like it.
42. Choose a curtain rod for your bedroom while you're at it. One that you love is also on clearance and is okay-ish.
43. Realize that the wall where you meant to hang the coat rack is now painted and clear. Decide that hanging a coat rack is less trouble than hanging curtain rods and decide to do that first.
44. Attempt to locate a 5/32" drill bit.
45. Dig through no fewer than 10 boxes with all of the tools tossed in them from the move. Curse the clutter and lack of organization. Blame your husband who did not keep them organized in the first place and then threw the contents of the garage into boxes and then moved to Shreveport leaving you to finish the house remodel alone (also another story).
46. Drag a folding table to the basement and attempt to sort/organize all of the tool-y things you find. Realize that you have a LOT of crap to organize. Try to focus on drill bits. Drill bits.
47. Take the first random 8 drill bits you find upstairs. Struggle to read the measurements written on them. Find one that is 1/64" smaller than the size you need. Decide it's not worth it to look for the correct size bit, and wiggle the drill bit in the wall to create the hole size you need.
48. Hang the coat rack. Feel smug. It looks AWESOME!!!!!
    

    

    It's late and the lighting is so terrible that you can't tell what color the wall is painted.
    It's Sherwin Williams 7533 Khaki Shade.

49. You're on a roll and ready to tackle the curtain rod! Dump out pieces. See that you need a different size drill bit.
50. Go back to the basement. Collect no fewer than 20 drill bits, knowing that-- somewhere-- there is still another container of drill bits that you specifically packed before the move, and head back upstairs. Pray that the size you need is among the 20.
51. Make a list of drill bit sizes, in 64th of an inch increments, through 1/2 inch. Do a lot of fraction math. Try to find a pattern you can follow as you write them out. Fail.
52. Wonder why there isn't a better system for labeling drill bit sizes.
53. Wonder why you just made that list because it has nothing to do with finding a 3/16" drill bit.
54. Spend 30 minutes printing labels for drill bits on your labelmaker, Rejoice when you find not one, but three 3/16" drill bits.

    

    This is the aftermath of my drill bit labeling project.

55. Start a blog to chronicle the ridiculousness of this process.