something has changed within me

I usually look on the job boards for Elon about once a week, to see if anything new and interesting has opened up. Why Elon? Well, because it's home and it's comfortable and it's familiar. I truly did LOVE working there and I miss my interactions with college students. It's where I bELONg (yes, I know it's cheesy but it's an Elon thing and I will do it until I die).

I've seen a few job postings that I would be a good candidate for, but none of them interested me enough to even consider applying. I still follow several Elon departments on social media and saw a Twitter post indicating that a favorite staff member of mine was going to retire, so of course I immediately went to the job postings to see if the listing for that position was up yet [this is just a person I know and have worked with, not someone whose job I wanted to snatch up.]

And then it happened.

My job was listed.

Not my job exactly, but a parallel job that has the exact same responsibilities, only in a different location on campus.

Even better? This position is full-time (hello, benefits!) without being 40 hours a week, 50 weeks a year.

And yet...

I'm (?) not ready (?) to go back yet (?)

I know, right?

What even????

My entire existence for the last 10 months has been figuring out how to get away from Louisiana and move back home. And dammit, despite myself, I have settled in here. I have formed relationships that I'm not ready to sever.

I still want to move back with every fiber of my being, but I have done such a monumental job of telling myself that it will be at least another year before Matt will be ready to consider looking for another job, that I actually don't know what I even want anymore.

But I don't want it -

No - I can't want it

Anymore

Something has changed within me

Something is not the same

(to be continued)